Bismillahir-Rahmaanir-Raheem
(In the name of Allah,
The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful)
Assalaamu alaikum
What Muslim Women need to
know – The Etiquette for Selecting A Husband.
Islam
holds a very high importance for marriage. This is because; marriage does not
only unite Muslim families, but also increases the Islamic population and thus
propagating the Word of God and through the teachings of The Prophet
(Sallalaahu Alaihi Wassallam). The emphasis of marriage can be seen in both the
Holy Quran and the Hadith respectively as follows;
Surah
Al-Furqan (25:54)
It is
He Who has created man from water: then has He established relationships of
lineage and marriage. For thy Lord has power over all things.
Al
Bukhari – Volume 7, Chapter 2
The
statement of the Prophet (SAW)
“Whoever
is able to marry, should marry…”
There
are certain “guidelines” given in the hadith on the characteristics one should
look for in a potential spouse. After all marriage is a life-long commitment
and therefore, we would want what’s best out there for us. However Allah knows
best.
Some
characteristics stated in various areas of Hadith, with reference to Sahih
Al-bukhari are:
- Marry a man for how much he knows the Quran
by heart. (vol. 7, chapter 33, no. 54)
A man who knows the Quran by heart and understands it is
a man who knows the etiquettes of Islam and is able to follow it righteously.
- The best characteristic: Haya (vol. 1,
Chapter 2, No. 8 and more)
Haya consist of a large number of concepts which are to
be taken together, amongst them are integrity, self-respect, modesty,
bashfulness, scruple, etc.
- Equality in wealth is not essential in
marriage (vol. 7, chapter 17)
This means, a rich woman can marry a poor man and vice
versa. Wealth does not signify anything in life, other than your physical
status above fellow humans. A man/ woman rich with cash does not make him/her
rich with good characteristics and intentions; and a man/woman with nothing but
the clothes they are wearing does not make them poor with the knowledge and
power of the religion.
There can be many more stated that I am not aware of. But
these are at least in my opinion, by far the more important characteristics.
In marriage, the husband should be able to lead;
especially when it comes to religion. Leading is not just telling the people
what to do, but teaching them how to do it in the way that God would accept it.
Do not marry someone for what material quality he has or
for his beauty, for those can be ripped of him any time and that is not what
hold the marriage like roots hold up a tree.
Marry a man who is willing to listen to what the wife has
to say, who is patient and kind and calm, who is pious or at least more pious
than you. Marry a man who you would listen to, who has a good sense of right
and wrong, who knows the world enough to abstain from its evil and embrace its
goodness.
Marry a man who talks to you about what he has learnt and
who is willing to learn from you, for no one has the perfect knowledge of Islam
and Islam is a learning journey. Marry a man who praises Allah with every word
that he says, who thinks of Allah and The Prophet (SAW) at every step he takes
and who loves Islam the most.
Of course, in this modern world, you would want to be
with someone who is romantic and charming and one who can take you to movies
and out to dinner. That’s every woman’s basic “dream” but keep in mind, what is
going to be best for your future as a Muslim.
Being Muslims, we are put on earth for one sole purpose.
That is to worship Allah as the One and Only God. Whatever we are doing is part
of worship and faith. Marriage is no exception. Marry a righteous man for the
Sake of Allah and also for the selfish sake of going to Jannah.
Moreover, do not reject a righteous man for one bad habit
he has, as that is a lost on your side. No one is perfect in this world. Every
one of us has our own set of bad characteristics. And do not put your heart and
soul in changing his bad character, as long as it’s not against Islam, because
marriage is also about learning to live with differences.
Your Sister,
Irfana Ikbal
