The Voices in My Heart

God’s Design

You’re walking down the street, and you look up.
You see the sky, clouds in their nicest design.
Then you wish, and pray to God.
“God,
give me a soul, so pure, like the white of the clouds,
And so free like the sky beneath them”

You’re riding in the bike, and you look down.
You see the road, scarred by screeching rides,
Then you wish and pray to God.
“God, give me a heart to withstand any ride,
And so strong like the road carrying these strides”

You’re sitting on a couch, and you look to your
side.
You see the vase, as wilting roses decline
Then you wish and pray to God.
“God, give me a life, one which I can live and die,
And so a friend, who’d be there holding on as I
pass…”

You’re snoozing at dusk, and then you feel a tap on
your shoulder.
You see God, even before you open your eyes.
Then you wish and pray to God,
“God, let me open my eyes, so as to know my Lord,
The one who answers my prayers, if not now then
later…”

Then God replies.
“I sent an angel down to earth, to be with you all
your life.
Your soul was pure and free, and a heart to stand
all strides.
I gave you a life that doesn’t last, but another
soul, who’ll hold your past.
All you do now is to ask, having that person right
in front of your eyes.

The angel sees him,
But you can’t.
Coz that’s life,
You have to take it as they come.

Now you know you have an angel,
An angel who’ll guide you through.
Follow it’s steps and your life
Will be a radiant hue”.

Then you open your eyes,
And you see the light.
The light of life
That never dies.

this is something i wrote quite long ago, the one that majee quoted in her blog.
thanks majee. really appreciate it.
btw, i really wrote it. REALLY. heh heh

Buzzing off…
faNa~

Ok, let’s see…

A mother is someone…

Who gave birth to you

Shows u unconditional love

Saves u from all the crap u get urself into

Clears up ur mess, even if it involves the law

Smiles at u even if u spit at her

Goes hungry just to feed you

Stands in the rain just to shelter you

Prays day and night for ur safety

And many many more that can’t be listed here

With all these attributes to a Mother, is a special day
necessary to celebrate the greatness of a mum?

I’m fine with someone celebrating anniversaries and
birthdays, but what’s up with Mothers’ day? Does that mean u can be ungrateful
to ur mum all throughout the year, and then treat her well on mothers’ day? I
know many people have different views and gazillion reasons to have a special
day for mothers, but then again, EVERYDAY should be special for ur mum. Not
just this day

A mother should not be patronized with a special day for
her. If one wants to do that, choose a day at random and give ur mum a break,
don’t give her a break just coz it’s may 14^th! Personally I think my
mother deserves more than just 1 special day in a year. In fact, she need a
special day every once in a while. How can I put my mum together with birthdays and anniversaries?!

In fact, I didn’t even wish my mum happy mothers’ day today,
and told her what I really felt. She agreed with me totally and said that she
doesn’t like to wish happy mothers’ day to anyone too.

I just find it cheap. On mothers’ day, if I bring my mum to
a restaurant to eat, they’ll be having mothers’ day offers and stuff. Does my
mum deserve to be treated with a meal that’s on OFFER?!!! Hello?! My mum treats
me everyday, and there are no offers then, so why should I give her a
subsidized meal on Mothers’ day? I’d rather treat her on any other day and
avoid that offer.

A mother deserves more than any amount of money can provide.
I hate the fact that the world has labeled a day just for mothers. This is damn
cheap. There’s to other way to insult a mother’s love more than this day!

i know my entries always have many many typos, but tolerate it k… u know what i mean amidst all those errors…

Buzzing off…

faNa~

this is gonna be a short one.

i realise that in my entries, i have mentioned Majee a lot.
Majee is a name that my friends and i gave her.
her real name is Marziya.
lemme tell you what i really detest…
ONLY I, Nad and CT can call her majee ok. The rest of u out there, call her marziya or give her ur own nickie.

you wanna know why?
Coz it just sounds pretty damn weird and irritating when anyone else calls her majee.
just don’t upset me, coz no one likes it…

thank u for understanding. Majee, you don’t need to thank me.

Buzzing off…
faNa~

Well, it’s no different today. I
just wanna talk about myself. I don’t find anything else as interesting as my
brain and I. So bear with it.

This few days, since last
Thursday, many people have been talking to me about my personality. Let me list
them…

1. CT asks me : Fana, don’t you
ever get jealous?

and I said the utter truth. No.
I don’t get jealous. She wouldn’t believe me. She said that anybody at any
point in time WILL be jealous of something! The thing is that I haven’t fond
myself relating to that just yet. Maybe in the future, but not for the 18 years
so far.

Then she gives me an example to
prove that I WILL get jealous. I really can’t reember the example, but I think
it was something like…
How if, one day, when u finally have a boyfriend and there’s this girl who’s
mad about him, and knowing that he has an admirer, your boyfriend also flirts
with her. Would u not feel jealous?

My answer: (shrug) no. really. If he flirts with her, I know he’s doig it coz
it makes him feel good, or to make me jealous. Why would I fulfil his motif by
being just what he wants?

Bottom line, I know how to put
myself and others in place.

2. I was chatting with this
friend, H. I told him that I don’t trust people with my personal issues easily.
And he was so disappointed. He was telling me “I’ve been ur friend for years,
and you don’t trust me?”

it takes pretty damn long for me
to trust people. That’s just the way I am. Please don’t be offended. Coz I
learnt that Trust is something people don’t treasure. But to me, it’s one of
the most delicate things in life. I’ve seen people learn that the hard way.

3. friend A. I know him for 3
years. I think. He told me that I have too much wisdom for a girl my age. And
that it’s impressive, but intriguing.

4. then my dad went on to tell
my grandma that I’m a very good girl….

I know u don’t see the problem
in that… but he added on that “she does things the right way, she has no probs
adapting to things, she’s fine with anything, she’s not fussy…”

I heard this from my mum, and
was appalled. Coz at home, I’m always shouting at everyone to do the things my
way. If I say everyone should in the dining table, they should. If I say we are
gonna skip lunch, they will. I will get things done my way even if my father is
there. They just agree to me. And I find that I’m bossy and irritating… but ok,
whatever. I ought to be happy abt it right.

With all these in mind, I jus
asked majee a few qns abt what she thinks of me, adding on that I can’t
possibly as a guy friend coz he may think I like him. Sorry, I don’t send wrong
signals. This is what majee had to say…

Fana (f) : majee, tell me what u
think of me; like my personality, my perspective in issues, my opinions….

Majee (M): u got nice attitude…
f: What u mean nice?
M: like powerpuff kind of attitude, girl power
f: err… haha… ok
M: you give in too much
f: I give in too much?
M: u just keep quiet and allow pple to take adv. Of u. but when when u
familiarize urself with smne, u actually put them in place

M: you are no typical girl and you shop like a man.

F: am I too deep?
m: deep as in?

F: I dunno, just deep. Like
misty. If I tell smth to smne, they
know exactly what I mean, but they won’t be sure….

M: u mean enigma?

F: majee, I may seem like im
very gd at English, but I’m no better than a sec 1 kid.

Then she explained enigma to
me. And said that to pple who don’t
know me well, I may be.

She also said that I don’t get irritated or annoyed easily, and
know how to annoy or irritate the person who’s tryna irritate me.

Shakeila claims I’m anal. Haha…
well, Shakeila shakeila shakeila.

My sister can’t accept the fact
that I am not obsessed with anything.

Well, I’m me. There’s no way
anyone can understand me fully. Even I’m stumped. Friend A even said that he’s
impressed by the person that I am… well, God made me… what can I say.

I’m not many things others are.
That makes me weird or unique… I don’t know.

Gosh I can never have enough
said about me BY MYSELF.

I think, one day, these stuff
are gonna get the better of me and I’m gonna turn psycho.

But before that, please don’t
come to me and say that you know all about me. Coz no one ever can; not even
me.

Buzzing off…

faNa~

The dark sky has a lot to say
Move away or stay it may
It holds the clouds in the grimest of gray
Making it the most dreadful day

No shadows it casts on any
No sorrows taken away
No words said, so uncanny
All in the dullest shade of gray

I feel the mood oozing through my veins
To feel it that way and how it pains
I see the sky helping me
To shed all the tears I couldn’t free

Days of rain ain’t enough
To pour the tears I wanna cry
Love is easy, that’s a bluff
And to love, I say goodbye

                                   - Irfana Ikbal

buzzing off…
faNa~